i just started a new job. My first job, and it’s been great. For once in the 7 years that have passed since graduating high school, I’ve been feeling much more like a man. I have income coming in that I can rely on, a reputation that’s building, and I’m at a really great company. But ever since I began, I haven’t really had much of me time.

The weekend ends. It’s Monday again. I come home at 6pm, tired. Then it’s Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

Is this really what my life is going to look like?

You see, we often have dreams, goals in life, something that we want to create that’s ours.

But in order to create, we need to be inspired right?

Does it wait for the perfect time to strike? Or does it just not come at all?

For me, it’s been complicated. Before I take you through the mess that’s in my mind, I have to take you back to the very beginning.

At 17 I had started uploading videos to youtube about random things. Filming my walks, fan edits, and even vlogging. I got my first camera a year later, making it a promise to myself to film myself every day.

I’d developed this dream of becoming an amazing singer after listening to Ed Sheeran on the radio, so the idea was that I’d be able to keep track of all my improvements as I became a vocal powerhouse.

The camera was rolling, my voice was flowing… well not exactly.

It was a longer process learning how to sing than I thought, but I still managed to record covers and upload daily vlogs for a couple months, instantly boosting my subscribers to 200. Then I started college and everything came to a flatline.

At first it was a talent issue, I didn’t think that I was star quality. That my world and my offerings were useful to anyone.

As I improved, gear became an issue. I didn’t have a camera that could autofocus, good audio, or any lighting.

So I found work as an event photographer to earn something, anything that would keep my dreams afloat. The years passed by and the gear was slowly coming into then frame.

And now, fast-forwarding 6 years, I have the gear and a fulltime job, but I only have the weekends for myself.

A year ago unemployed me would have been so ecstatic about where I am now. I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I’m a little frustrated that everything that I’d been busting my ass off to buy is right in the palm of my hands, I’ve definitely improved my talents, but my output has been none.

Part of it actually is that I’m running on less time, but so are other people with nine to five jobs right? So what is it? What’s holding me back from being creative and moving towards the life I’ve been dreaming of since I was 17.